Hormones at their HIGHEST...

Every once in a while I do something and think, "that was a really dumb decision." Today was one of those days. Chris and I have been going back and forth about sending Brayden to 2 year old pre-school next year, 2 or 3 days a week. He is so active, friendly, inquisitive, and BUSY. I thought the stimulation would be good for him, not to mention the social outlet. There is a pre-school program at a nearby Methodist church that has had rave reviews. Coincidentally, my neighbor teaches a class of 2 year olds there and LOVES the program. Even at two, they begin working on phonics with the A Beka curriculum and have daily "specials" where they spend time focusing on either learning Spanish, music, or art. Additionally, there is a Bible story focus each week and at Chapel, the puppet team acts out the Bible story, placing emphasis on the verse and character trait of the week. In all, it seems like a great program...a nice mix of structure and play time.

WELL TODAY we went for a tour. WHY ON EARTH DID I TAKE BRAYDEN WITH ME??? I took him because I didn't have a choice AND because when I called, the lady on the phone told me that he would be more than welcome...he could run on the playground, play in one of the classrooms, whatever the case he would be welcome and right at home! WELL...because another parent was late to the tour, we waited 15 minutes in the lobby, which means idle time for a 2 year old, and here the story begins. After trying to pull crayons and mini school buses off of a floral display, he began running into different offices finding all sorts of interesting objects to remove from desks...pens, paper, white out, a bouncy ball, a foam set of letters... These I had to retrieve to place back on various desks. Then he took off down the hall where the classrooms are and wanted to play with the other boys and girls, only he's not a student and the tour STILL HASN'T EVEN STARTED!!! I started to stress, sweat, and generally feel annoyed. I tried putting him in his stroller...which is such a joke to any mom of a 2 year old boy when there are colorful objects and other children around with whom they can play. This was a disaster. I stood trying to listen attentively and ignore my now screaming child as he attempted to throw himself and the stroller on the floor. I am ultra sweating by now and can feel the eyes of other moms staring at me as if there's SOMETHING I should be doing. This is when my defenses kick in...WHAT EXACTLY am I to do? He is a 2 year old toddler, cutting molars, wants to roam and look at all things new and different and simply will not stand still or sit down when I want him to. OF COURSE HE WON'T...but somehow I thought "he would be welcome and right at home." Once we get into an actual classroom, he is free...he can play with the tambourine, the dinosaurs, the kitchen, the clock, but what does he instead find alluring? Someone else's Spiderman lunch box, the crayons that have no paper on which to color, the teacher's leftover coffee from earlier that morning, and a bin of papers that would make a nice mess if dumped on the floor! Seriously, only about 10 minutes into the tour had passed and I was EXHAUSTED. The other little boy, younger than Brayden, stood quietly with his mom, holding her hand and seemed content to stand there without making a SOUND! The mother of course kept looking at me, as if curiously wondering why I couldn't control my child. The other mom looked at me like she pitied me for my wild child. My pride was right in my face. I wanted to say, "he must not be very active," or "you just wait until he turns two," or "he seems awfully shy" (boring was actually what I was thinking). I had to repent for my selfish, judgemental, pride preserving thoughts and THEN we went to the playground....

Brayden took off faster than I could follow and almost immediately, was knocked in the head and down on the ground because he walked right behind other kids swinging. It was the last straw! He started to cry, I started to cry, and before I knew it, I was an absolute mess. I kindly informed the lady that I needed to go, was sorry for all the disruption, thanked her for her time, but I couldn't stay. As I walked to the front of the building carrying Brayden, we were both sobbing. I was embarrassed, HOT, stressed trying to listen and watch over him and I just could not take another second of it. Five minutes in the car on the way home and he was OUT...sound asleep! I walked in the door at 11:40, put him to bed, and came downstairs wishing I could have a big, fat glass of red wine. WHO DOES THAT at 11:40AM?? I don't know what came over me but I could not quit crying as I left that place. I am either way more anxious than I realize about having another baby in 3 1/2 weeks, or I put a ton of pressure on myself for my kids to "behave" in public, or a combination of the two. Brayden obviously was not being disobedient, he simply wanted to explore and play, but I could not relax because he was literally INTO EVERYTHING and it absolutely stressed me out. I've never been more glad to pull in the driveway and be home than this morning. What a DUMB DECISION!